Thursday, September 15, 2005

Recycle or we will kill you!

I just got off the phone with one of the idiots who mans the phones for the city's 311 service. As usual, I was left completely unimpressed by her professionalism and courtesy, for if she had either, not to mention intelligence, she'd work in the private sector with the rest of civilization.

Around the corner from my apartment are numerous bodega type corner stores. All of them currently seem to be out of clear plastic recycling bags. Being the ever cautious person I am, and not wanting to piss off my landlord, I called ahead to make sure I don't fall from grace in the eyes of the Garbage Nazis. After all, if you throw out your garbage in a fashion which doesn't meet their approval, the city will steal money from you in the form of progressive fines.

Apparently, the offense of packing my recycling in blue plastic is a fine-worthy offense here in the People's Republic of New York.

I should look on the bright side. Anthony Weiner dropped out of the mayoral primary. Now there's hope we won't be the Weiner city.


At 12:03 PM, Blogger Tanisha said...

OMG, the Weiner City!! Thatwas priceless. Yeah good luck on the trash bit.

At 5:16 PM, Blogger iceberg said...

This post speaks to me, as my parents were the recent victims of the overzealous recycling patrols "finest".

Of course I'm certain that my busy mom has nothing better to do with her precious time during this hectic holiday month then to sort her refuse alphabettically, by shade of color and grade of material. (Do soda cans go with the plastic and glass bottles? What thickness of cardboard can be bagged, or must be tied? How do you dispose of BX cable?)

Ok, so I exaggerate a bit, but I printed her the NYC recycling manifesto so that she can be proper little slave^h^h^h^h^h, ehem, citizen.

My advice to her, and you: Stop wasting taxpayer money on this needless, inefficient, and costly recycling program-- simply combine all refuse and dispose in opaque black bags as I do. The recycling gestapo members don't open those, and usually don't even start their shift until after the sanitation department has already done collections (at least around where I live.)

Shana tova, vetizku shanim rabot.


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