Friday, September 03, 2004

Chainik Hocker Inspired by Socialists: Shocking Firsthand Report

Sources reveal that the Chainik Hocker was inspired by the socialist drivel of the Emperor, George II. Last night, his Eminence took the stage in New York City, praising himself for the damage he has done to the economy through his expansions of government in areas of education, health care, and Social Security.

From his Highness' speech:

Another drag on our economy is the current tax code, which is a complicated mess — filled with special interest loopholes, saddling our people with more than six billion hours of paperwork and headache every year. The American people deserve — and our economic future demands — a simpler, fairer, pro-growth system. In a new term, I will lead a bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the federal tax code.


Libertarians and other people with two eyes and a brain questioned why it took the Republicans nearly one hundred years to decide that the tax code is eeeeeeevil. Libertarians were also thankful for the proposed additional 40% tax on all goods sold in the US.

Another priority in a new term will be to help workers take advantage of the expanding economy to find better, higher-paying jobs. In this time of change, many workers want to go back to school to learn different or higher-level skills. So we will double the number of people served by our principal job training program and increase funding for community colleges. I know that with the right skills, American workers can compete with anyone, anywhere in the world.


While fearing for his life, this correspondent would like to interject that if the emperor gives out money and helps more people go to school to get "marketable" skills, he will simply be raising the bar of necessary achievement to compete in the marketplace. Once, having a Bachelor's degree meant you could get a job with no problems. Then, the government got involved, and now so many people have Bachelor's degrees that they no longer have the meaning they once did, and now people must go further and get master's degrees. One must wonder how worthless a PhD will one day be because of government involvement in education.

Initial reports coming from the convention indicated that the Republicans' rhetoric, the Emperor's included, was becoming increasingly indistinguishable from the Democrats'. More on this as the reports are compiled.

3 Comments:

At 4:45 PM, Blogger The Chainik Hocker said...

Re your comment on the potential future worthlessness of PhDs:
1) Are you saying if there is a lot of something around, it is worth less than when there was a few of that thing? Blasphemer!!!

2) Are you suggesting that PhDs are not worthless now? Heretic!

3)Do you honostly think that a %40 sales tax i a bad thing? Boo hoo. I am a pack-and-a-half a day smoker in NYC, where taxes on a pack of cigarettes is $1.20, or near twenty five percent. Not including the sales tax. Welcome to my world.

I'll be right back, I need a stake and some firewood. You stay where you are.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Yid said...

Hee hee. I thought you'd enjoy this one.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger The Chainik Hocker said...

You were correct, sir.

 

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